When we hear the word “patriarchy,” many of us think about how it negatively affects women—but what if I told you it harms men too? The truth is, the rigid expectations placed on men by patriarchal norms can lead to emotional isolation, mental health struggles, and limited personal growth.
By exploring how patriarchy impacts men in surprising ways, we can begin to break free from these harmful stereotypes and find healthier ways to live.
What does “Patriarchy” mean? Patriarchy is a system where men hold most of the power and are often seen as more important or dominant, while women and non-men are treated as less important or capable.
Patriarchy isn’t about giving all men power—it’s about giving a small group of men most of the power. The rest of men only have power compared to women, not true power over their own lives. This is how patriarchy hurts men: it distracts them by making them feel superior to women, instead of helping them see the bigger picture of how they’re also being held down by the system of patriarchy.
Patriarchy, though it primarily privileges men, also imposes harmful expectations and limitations on them. Here are some tangible ways patriarchy harms men and holds them back:
1. Emotional Suppression: Men are often socialized to suppress emotions like sadness, fear, or vulnerability, which can lead to emotional isolation, difficulty in forming close relationships, and mental health issues such as depression or anxiety.
The fear of being seen as feminine may cause men to focus on external achievements rather than inner growth or emotional well-being. Over time, this emotional detachment can manifest as a disassociated state, where men become disconnected from their deeper emotions and personal identity, limiting their ability to fully explore and understand themselves.
2. Toxic Masculinity: Patriarchy promotes ideals of “real manhood” that equate masculinity with aggression, dominance, and stoicism. This can pressure men to engage in harmful behaviors, like violence or risk-taking, to prove their worth, potentially leading to injury, legal trouble, or relationship problems.
3. Higher Suicide Rates: Men face social stigma around seeking help for mental health issues, contributing to higher suicide rates among men. The cultural pressure to appear invulnerable can prevent them from accessing the support they need.
4. Pressure to Succeed: Patriarchy often casts men as primary breadwinners, placing immense pressure on them to achieve financial success. This can lead to workaholism, burnout, and physical and mental health issues.The patriarchal emphasis on success, power, and control pushes men toward external achievements (like career or financial status) rather than inner fulfillment. This focus on outward validation can prevent men from looking inward, leading to disconnection from their own emotions and desires.
5. Limited Parental Role: Men may be discouraged from taking active roles in parenting or seeking paternity leave due to gendered expectations. This not only deprives men of meaningful bonds with their children but also reinforces a harmful stereotype of men being less capable or nurturing as parents.
6. Health Risks: Men are often expected to prioritize toughness over self-care, leading to neglect of health issues. Men are statistically less likely to visit doctors regularly or seek medical attention for physical or mental health problems, which can result in worse health outcomes.
7. Bullying and Homophobia: Men who don’t conform to rigid masculine norms, such as those who are sensitive, non-heterosexual, or non-conforming in other ways, are often bullied, ostracized, or subject to violence. When men exhibit qualities or engage in activities deemed “feminine,” such as showing vulnerability, expressing emotions, or taking an interest in fashion or arts, they are often ridiculed, shamed, or ostracized.
8. Isolation: Men often struggle to form close, emotionally supportive friendships, partly because patriarchal culture devalues vulnerability in male friendships. This can lead to loneliness and isolation, especially in later life. In viewing women as less than men – even subconsciously, they might miss out on deeper female friendships.
9. Military and Violence Expectations: Patriarchy encourages men to be willing to engage in violence or go to war. This cultural expectation disproportionately affects men, leading them to be overrepresented in combat roles, often resulting in physical harm, PTSD, and other long-term consequences.
10. Lack of Support for Male Survivors of Sexual Assault: Patriarchal norms create the false assumption that men can’t be sexually assaulted, especially by women, and that men should always be willing and able to enjoy sexual experiences, further silencing male survivors. Men may feel shame or guilt, believing that being assaulted undermines their masculinity.
11. Limited hobbies: Men may feel discouraged from pursuing many interests and hobbies due to patriarchal norms such as Fashion and Makeup, Dance (e.g., ballet), Knitting, Sewing, and Crafts, Baking and Cake Decorating, Home Decorating,Flower Arranging and Gardening, Yoga,Journaling, Reading/Writing Romance Novels, etc.
Men can begin dismantling patriarchy in their own lives by challenging traditional gender roles and embracing emotional vulnerability. This means allowing themselves to express emotions openly, seek support, and engage in self-reflection without fear of judgment. By rejecting the idea that masculinity equates to emotional suppression or dominance, men can develop a deeper sense of self-awareness and create healthier relationships.
Therapy can be a great tool. Consuming more books, shows and following women they admire on social media can help to build empathy, especially toward women and marginalized groups as well as help men recognize and unlearn that things traditionally seen as feminine are “bad”. I believe men will discover that challenging patriarchal norms not only benefits themselves but also positively impacts those around them.
Challenging the patriarchy isn’t just about creating a more equal world for everyone—it’s also about freeing ourselves from the limits society places on us. By recognizing how patriarchal norms harm men, we open the door to healthier relationships, deeper emotional well-being, and more authentic self-expression. Dismantling these harmful expectations isn’t about losing something; it’s about gaining the freedom to live life on your own terms, without the weight of outdated stereotypes. Men have the power to redefine what it means to be strong, capable, and whole. Let’s take the first step by understanding how these norms affect us and working together to create a better future for everyone.