Note: I am writing this post as part of my ongoing journey to unpack what I was taught growing up and to dig deeper into my own beliefs. Anti-racism is not a destination, we all have a long way to go and a lot to learn and unlearn. My hope is that in reading this you are able to consider what you were taught, gain some introspection and to learn some ideas of what can be done.
I grew up in the rural town of Etna, Maine. Of the 900 or so people living in Etna, 99.11% were White. I never saw a person of color in my town.
I was taught that racism was:
- Slavery
- Using the n-word.
- Beating up a Black person
Being a racist was an evil, ignorant and hateful thing. They were bad people. Slavery sounded terrible. I would never use the N-word, nor would I ever want to beat up a Black person. I was confident as a child that should I meet a Black person, I’d want to be their friend. I was definitely not racist.
I will borrow Ibram X Kendi’s definition of a racist idea: “Any concept that regards one racial group as inferior or superior to another racial group in any way.”
By that definition, I took a deep look at myself. Do I have racist thoughts?
At my small Christian school I remember learning about how our “Christian” presidents were heros who ended slavery. The horrors of slavery itself were tremendously downplayed. No mention of the Middle Passage. There is zero mention of what *enslaved people had to go through. Nothing about the strenuous labor, rape, physical and verbal abuse, lack of healthcare, horrible living conditions, etc. . They only speak of the enslaved people as property.
*Instead of saying “slaves” which is dehumanizing, I will be saying “enslaved people”.
Here are the numbered portions:
1. “Southern planters bought more land as their crops sold more. The purpose of buying more land was to plant more cotton and tobacco. But who could take care of such large fields? The Southern planter could never hire enough people to get his work done, and so he turned to buying slaves.
Slaves easily learned how to pick cotton and tobacco. The Southern weather was warm and the slaves stayed healthy. There was no need of factories in the South, for cotton and tobacco made the South rich.
2. The South needed many workers. To the South, slaves were the answer. However only one out of every 10 Southerners owned slaves.
3. If they freed their slaves, how would they be able to make a living? There was no easy answer to this question.
No one took responsibility for practicing, allowing, and accepting the practice of slavery in the United States of America. I was taught American History from the perspective of White people, while the experience of Black people is almost entirely erased. I don’t remember being taught much – if anything at all – about the American civil rights movement. We were given some watered down Martin Luther King Jr quotes and it was emphasized to us that it was an issue far away in the South. I know many other Americans had a similar experience as to the history they were taught in school.
In church, at my Christian schools and in the Christian media I consumed they talked frequently about the need for us to help poor Africans with the gospel, donating things, building schools/wells and taking mission trips or donating money. Many sad exploitative videos and pictures of Black faces(especially children) accompanied talks given about this. The mission trips were several thousand dollars that you or your church had to raise. I wanted to go on a mission trip badly but I was told I wasn’t “spiritual enough” by my church/school Calvary Chapel. Knowing what I know now about mission trips, I’m glad I didn’t go.
As I got older, I was taught that racism was over, that Liberals were just trying to stir it up again to start a “race war”. I was taught that the liberals anti-Christian agenda is what led to “the moral decay of the Black community; fatherless households, gangs and incarceration.” That Black people just make poor lifestyle choices.
In the words of my former high school history teacher: “I believe a majority of responsibility for an ethnic group having a hard time in this economy has to do with a lack of education or motivation. We have the greatest, fairest system in the world..” Basically, that Black people in America just aren’t trying hard enough.
Growing up, my impressions of Black people in literature,TV shows, movies, and school were mostly Black people being enslaved. Even as I grew older, the media I consumed usually confined Black characters on television as service workers, criminals or athletes. They were sometimes the peripheral “friend,” but never the main character.
In school I don’t recall any Black people being held up as leaders or even just as being admirable besides brief mentions of Martin Luther King Jr. , Booker T. Washington and George Washington Carver. The one mention of George Washington Carver in my 4th grade history book makes sure to include that his enslavers were “very kind”. Aside from those I just mentioned, there were zero recognition of any other Black inventors, authors, artists or accomplishments by Black people past or present. In high school, I remember 50 Cent and Nelly being popular. I thought they were cool but that it seemed like life had been hard for them. My friends and I loved Save the Last Dance, but even in this movie all of the Black characters were side characters, they lived in poverty and had many struggles.
The children’s and teen magazines I frequently read mostly featured White people in the photos. The rare times Black people were featured they had very light skin and straightened hair. The same was true for the books I read, written by White authors. In television shows like Cops, most of the police – the “good guys” – portrayed were White males. Even in the news, Black people were shown as poor, and Black men in particular were overwhelmingly shown as criminals and perpetrators of violent crimes. In my world, White people and Whiteness was always centered in education, media, and society. Black people were the “other”.
A good example of what White being “centered” means is this quote from Issa Rae: “Girls, New Girl, 2 Broke Girls. What do they all have in common? The universal gender classification, “girl,” is white. In all three of these successful series, a default girl (or two) is implied and she is white. That is the norm and that is what is acceptable.“
If you are used to your racial group being “centered” you might not even notice or think about the impact it has on people who are not White.
Throughout much of my twenties I just wasn’t that concerned with racism. After high school, I moved from Maine to Naples, Florida which is over 94% White. I did not have any Black friends in my friend group for the 5 years I lived there. I was never discriminated against for the color of my skin so I didn’t have to think about it.
I could still recognize racism that was blatant-like someone using a racial slur and- I even sometimes talked about it with my White friends. When I first moved to Florida it was jarring hearing frequent use of the N-word by White friends in relation to the rap they listened to. I had been taught that this was so bad that I threatened to kick anyone out of my car immediately who said it for any reason.
Still, perhaps the only uncomfortable thing to happen to me relating to race is when guys would ask me if I had ever dated a Black guy. Subconsciously, I knew that “yes” was the wrong answer. But I didn’t know quite why I thought that. Sometimes I bluffed and said “Yes, so what!,” but I failed to dig into the deeper negative beliefs that White people associated with Black men.
How could growing up in American society not have an effect on the way I think about Black people? I was shown very few examples of Black beauty, Black success, Black Academics, Black families, etc. I unsurprisingly thought of Black people as downtrodden and suffering. I believed some of the conservative narrative that Black people just needed to try harder, work harder and be better.
I saw Black people as the “other” and as needing help with “their” problems. I am sure that I have had and still have plenty of negative subconscious thoughts about Black people.
I began to travel in 2010; I lived in LA on and off in 2011 where I made more diverse friends. During my travels I was exposed to many different cultures and beliefs. I began to think about my own privilege but I didn’t make the connection to how Black people were treated in the United States.
I did notice that in my travels no matter where I was in the world whether it was South America or India-, the models in ads and on billboards most often had light skin and Eurocentric features. When I moved to NYC in 2015, I made even more diverse friends, I am so grateful for them. Having all of their different perspectives has made my life richer in innumerable ways.
In 2015 I dated a Black man. He called me out once for saying something about “skin-colored” BAND-AIDS. I had meant White. My skin color was the default. Another time, I remember him getting really upset because in one of my photos a White man in blackface was dressed up as Mr. T at a Naples, Florida Halloween party. He explained to me how bad he felt as a child that there were no Black superheroes.
After this, I read about the history of blackface. My eyes were opened to a new perspective on racism, one that experienced the more subtle side of racism.
I didn’t REALLY start talking about race with my friends until 2016. That year, I made an effort to ask more questions of those of my friends of color who were willing to share about their experiences. I began actively trying to learn about it through articles. Like many, I started with Peggy Mcintosh’s The Invisible Knapsack and found it incredibly eye opening. I read about White privilege, rebuttals to “reverse racism”, and systemic racism.
Trump’s racism and sexism were blatant during the 2016 elections. The mere fact that so many people voted for Trump made me feel as though women didn’t matter. And in that sense, I could finally see a parallel in how people of color felt that they did not truly matter in this country. (I do not to equate what Black people have gone through in the United States to what woman have dealt with.) The atmosphere after he was elected in New York City was so heavy, fraught with hopelessness, a deep sadness and fear.
I noticed around this time friends suggesting to read more diverse authors. My initial thought that the main point of diversifying our media and entertainment was that we should support them because of racism/discrimination they may have faced causing them to have less opportunities and a more difficult time being published.
I did NOT understand that one of the most important reasons we should expand our music, movies, art, books, etc. to people who look differently than us is because they move through the world differently than we do. It’s to understand what they’ve been through, how they experience life. To broaden our perspectives to include those people whose backgrounds are different from our own.
It’s essential to hear about Black lives from BLACK people. Not only through a White lens. To hear it through a voice in which someone has lived and breathed that life. That has the power to make you pay attention and understand – the words go deep because they are connected to the writer.
I never thought about how Black parents have to sit their young children down after they have experienced a racist incident and explain to them that some people will treat them badly because of the color of their skin. Sometimes, it happens so young they might not even understand fully. In Taraji P. Henson’s book “Around the Way Girl,” her 5 year old son thought she was talking about the color of his clothes. She tried to explain and he said “but mommy I have brown skin”.
It’s heartbreaking. I never knew the intense high stakes conversation that many Black families have with their children about how to act around police so they won’t be killed.
As I read more books by Black authors, I don’t only read books about racial issues or Black pain. These type of books are the ones often given the most publicity and significance. The Black experience cannot be defined by one moment or incident. I think it’s important to read all kinds of books about the varied lives of Black people. Their joys, hobbies, navigating love, friendships, family and dreams. All of the things that are human.
Tiffany Haddish had me in tears laughing as she recounted a swamp tour with Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith. Issa Rae’s stories about her family’s many house guests and Senegalese hospitality were heartwarming. Gabrielle Union had so many amazing sex positive insights. Retta’s stories about her close friends and their matching pajama sleepovers were wonderful. Shonda Rhimes working through her introversion to say yes to more things was relatable. There are so many things I loved about these books, you’ll have to read them for yourself!
When I began to try to educate myself on racial issues, at first I just read a lot of articles explaining racial equality and privilege, but something was missing. I picked up the Ibram X. Kendi book last year “Stamped from the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America“. Unsurprisingly, learning for the first time the racial history in America helped me get everything on a significantly deeper level .
That book helped me build the essential foundation for me to understand all of the articles, documentaries, conversations, etc. that I needed to engage with to unlearn my subconscious racial biases. Before I read it, I feel like I got everything on only a surface level. I cannot emphasize enough that if you are serious about educating yourself, make the time to learn the real history of America.
Ibram X. Kendi believes that as we are all affected by the society we live in,we all have racist thoughts and ideas. This doesn’t make you a garbage person-it’s not who you are – but what you are doing in the moment. It’s a fact that we have to acknowledge and actively work to change. He teaches the only way to undo racism is to consistently identify and describe it—and then dismantle it.
In How to Be An Antiracist, Kendi writes:
“To be antiracist is to think nothing is behaviorally wrong or right — inferior or superior — with any of the racial groups. Whenever the antiracist sees individuals behaving positively or negatively, the antiracist sees exactly that: individuals behaving positively or negatively, not representatives of whole races. To be antiracist is to deracialize behavior, to remove the tattooed stereotype from every racialized body. Behavior is something humans do, not races do.”
I intentionally diversified my Instagram feed a few years ago. I followed loads of amazing people, some of whom were normally not in my world! I followed people of color, women of size, queer people and people who have a different perspective than me.
My Instagram feed was filled with images of Black people I had never seen before such as Black hikers, Black families, Black couples, Black ballerinas, Black academics and Black travelers to name a few. I saw a much richer multifaceted portrayal of Black people than I had seen in the media.
It’s hard to admit this but seeing a photo a of well dressed, smiling and attractive group of Black friends on vacation in Tahiti can elicit feelings of surprise in me.
Why should I feel surprised?
I do not feel surprised when I see attractive successful White people laughing on vacation. It’s hard to admit that still comes up for me.
Years ago I would have been very defensive. I would have vehemently denied this but now I can recognize that,
I am racist.
I do have racist thoughts.
I was so wrong to think that I didn’t have much to learn about these issues which negatively affect us all. They are not easy to learn about, the more you uncover the worse it gets. Questioning your identity-your goodness is hard but we must. This accountability can even feel like being attacked. Resist being defensive. Listen instead. Spreading your empathy hurts. It’s not surprising White America would prefer to gloss over its dark history.
In Naples, Fl where I used to live, the public bus system did not go to the beach. While this affected Black and other people of color in the area, it also impacted low income White people as well. In 2008 several of the major banks had been purposely giving people of color horrible subprime mortgages. While many more Black and Brown people lost their homes so did White people. When we allow police to cause harm with impunity, they harm White people as well. The war on drugs and accompanying harsh prison sentences meant to target Black people, harm White people as well. Additionally segregated schools, housing issues and poor healthcare. All these things largely negatively impact Black people and other people of color as they were designed to but they also harm White people. As we all live in this society together, we are all paying a price for racist policies and racist ideas. This is OUR problem.
The good news is, none of these racist ideas we have are set in stone They are not part of who we are- and we can work to change them!
How to undo racial bias:
- Look at awesome Black people! Try following more Black people on Instagram, watching Black films, read books by Black authors. When we look at people who are Black who defy stereotypes, it helps to dissociate the association that happens automatically in our brain.
- Focus on seeing people as individuals. Instead of thinking about how stereotypes define people, spend time considering them on a more personal, individual level.
- Build deeper relationships with Black people. Support and listen to them when they talk about racial issues. Take a look at your friend group, maybe there is a coworker you could get to know or someone at your school.
- Work on consciously changing your stereotypes. Check in with yourself to see if your response to someone might be rooted in biases or stereotypes. If so, make an effort to consciously adjust your response.
- Watch Verna Myers amazing Ted Talk How to Overcome Our Biases? Walk Boldly Toward Them
- Take the Harvard Implicit Bias test to learn about your implicit attitudes and beliefs, click here to take the test.
- Have uncomfortable conversations with friends and family rather than ignoring it because they “mean well” or are a “good person” or to “keep the peace”. Speaking out is the first step in helping someone else work confront their own racist beliefs.
- Add empathy to your perspective. Try seeing things from another person’s point of view. How would you respond if you were in the same position? What factors might contribute to how a person acts in a particular setting or situation?
How does this post make you feel? What were you taught about being racist and racism growing up? Do you have any biases that you need to work through?
I commit to being anti-racist and to undoing my own racial biases, to speaking out against injustice. I commit to having uncomfortable conversations with my friends and continuing to educate myself. I commit to listening and learning.
Do you?