I grew up in Etna, Maine where the population was 900. My home was down a very long dirt driveway tucked in the forest. I am the oldest of four siblings. Much like many people living in rural Maine, my childhood was filled with nature. My brother and I were allowed to ride our bicycles around town as long as we stayed together. We went swimming in the local lake in summers and ice skating in the wintertime. We had three large Newfoundland dogs, several cats, rabbits, and chickens. While not without challenges, we had a close knit family. My parents loved us so much. We went camping, traveled to blue grass festivals, and took day trips to the beautiful Maine coastline. If you can believe it, cable television wasn’t available in my hometown due to its size, we were not allowed to have video games with the exception of Game Boys. My mother had two enormous gardens, and she gave a section to myself and my siblings to grow carrots, green beans, tomatoes, peas, squash-really anything we wanted.
My parents were very Christian and most of our friends were also Christians. My mom got us 75% scholarships to Christian schools in “town”. We attended Calvary Chapel Christian School. We also went to their church, and youth group. We were baptized there. We were taught Creationism and that God formed the earth and everything in it in 7 days. We were overtly taught that Evolution was false. We had Christian text books and Bible classes. I went to Christian concerts, Christian summer camps, Christian volunteering, pretty much Christian everything. At home and at school we had Christian magazines, Christian fiction and nonfiction books, Christian films and frequently listened to Christian radio programs. Many were from the organization, “Focus on the Family”. Any media that was not Christian was heavily filtered. My parents wanted to keep us from harm, to protect us.
Some of the things about the Christian community we grew up in were wonderful. There certainly were many kind, well meaning and good hearted people as well as many enriching family oriented social gatherings. Some of the things we encountered were not great, there were a lot of values and beliefs put on me across many different facets of my life in countless ways. I was taught a tremendous amount of very conservative political ideologies. There was a lot of fearmongering that the “world” was a place of moral corruption out to attack Christians and destroy our values. Purity was a very heavy theme for myself and other girls. I was not given much (if any) space to formulate my own beliefs.
Since my teens I have been trying to sift through all of this and figure out what I really believe. What I want to keep and what I don’t. What resonates with my true self regardless of all of the things placed on me. There are many things I am still unlearning, disassembling and trying to make sense of. There are many things I still have to learn.
Travel will always be a huge important part of my life-it’s impacted who I am in innumerable ways. I will continue to share my travels, photography and encourage people to get out of their comfort zones! I deeply appreciate all of you who have followed my journey over the past almost 10 years. I’m sure many of you have noticed that I have begun to write about social issues and mental health. I have felt inspired and learned a lot from the many activists already doing this work. I really love people and I feel so passionate about issues like gender equality, racism, wellness, consumerism, LGTBQ+ , police brutality, prison reformation, immigration, body positivity and many more!
I do feel like a lot of people these days act like they were always “woke”, like they always “got it”, never having had any backwards beliefs and having always been progressive. It’s hard to admit you didn’t support gay marriage at some point, that you slut shamed or held racist beliefs. Everyone wants to seem like a “good” person. I get that. However it doesn’t leave a lot of room for growth and it can make the chasm for someone who is just learning about these things seem impossibly wide. Holding racist, sexist or generally problematic beliefs is not a permanent part of who you are. Beliefs can be changed and I don’t think they necessarily make you a “bad” person. No one is immune to the influence of society and everyone has held and still holds some problematic beliefs. Speaking for myself, reading about issues that are so far from what I was taught growing up is sometimes confusing. Much of my life I didn’t see my privilege or understand many social issues. I still feel afraid of asking the wrong questions. Many social issues are incredibly complicated, it takes time and work to get them on a deeper level. I greatly appreciate all of the friends throughout my life were patient and kind in discussing these topics with me.
As a former conservative myself, I am hoping to help bridge the gap with openness and kindness. I am, however, afraid to talk about more controversial things. Sometimes the messages and comments I receive now can be intense-creepy, threatening and mean spirited. I’m sure the more I speak about these issues, the more challenging messages I’ll receive. It can be overwhelming. I hope when people don’t agree, it will be respectfully. I’m afraid people will judge me for my past beliefs. I’m afraid of what my parents who I love very much will think when they read this. I’m afraid when I talk about something that isn’t my space, such as racial issues, that I’ll get it wrong. I’m sure I will mess it up sometimes. I am always listening. My fears will not hold me back from tackling difficult subjects. If just one person feels less alone from what I share, than it’s all worth it to me.
I think it is important to note that kindness and respect does not mean there will not be anger or that this will be easy. I love and care for people so much that their inequality and suffering makes me angry. There are many instances in life to which anger is a logical and reasonable response. The opposite of that is indifference-passivity. I think it is loving to use our voices to lessen each other’s struggles. Anger can be empowering. Love and anger can coexist.
I plan to read more books and articles, watch documentaries and have more conversations about social issues. I want to understand people who are different than me’s experiences moving through the world. I want to spread empathy and help people feel more connected. I don’t expect anyone to agree with everything I say, I welcome different viewpoints. I want to create a safe space for people to grow and uplift each other. I believe there is a massive positive cultural shift happening. Now is the time to speak out. I will share what I am learning, ask questions, make the connections to my Christian roots and share things I’ve had to unlearn from my conservative upbringing. I am unbelievably excited for all of the possibilities! I hope that you will learn and unlearn with me!