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What Will My Parents Think? Reconciling My Conservative Christian Upbringing with My Current Values

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4 children sitting in forest in Maine
Maine Circa 1998 Myself, Darcy, Ben and Christina

I grew up in Etna, Maine where the population was 900. My home was down a very long dirt driveway tucked in the forest. I am the oldest of four siblings. Much like many people living in rural Maine, my childhood was filled with nature. My brother and I were allowed to ride our bicycles around town as long as we stayed together. We went swimming in the local lake in summers and ice skating in the wintertime. We had three large Newfoundland dogs, several cats, rabbits, and chickens. While not without challenges, we had a close knit family. My parents loved us so much. We went camping, traveled to blue grass festivals, and took day trips to the beautiful Maine coastline. If you can believe it, cable television wasn’t available in my hometown due to its size, we were not allowed to have video games with the exception of Game Boys. My mother had two enormous gardens, and she gave a section to myself and my siblings to grow carrots, green beans, tomatoes, peas, squash-really anything we wanted.

children in wagon with pumpkins
My sister, myself and my brother in a wagon with pumpkins and green beans from my mom’s garden.

My parents were very Christian and most of our friends were also Christians. My mom got us 75% scholarships to Christian schools in “town”. We attended Calvary Chapel Christian School. We also went to their church, and youth group. We were baptized there. We were taught Creationism and that God formed the earth and everything in it in 7 days. We were overtly taught that Evolution was false. We had Christian text books and Bible classes. I went to Christian concerts, Christian summer camps, Christian volunteering, pretty much Christian everything. At home and at school we had Christian magazines, Christian fiction and nonfiction books, Christian films and frequently listened to Christian radio programs. Many were from the organization, “Focus on the Family”. Any media that was not Christian was heavily filtered. My parents wanted to keep us from harm, to protect us.

family ready for church
My family all dressed up to go to Bangor Baptist Church

Some of the things about the Christian community we grew up in were wonderful. There certainly were many kind, well meaning and good hearted people as well as many enriching family oriented social gatherings. Some of the things we encountered were not great, there were a lot of values and beliefs put on me across many different facets of my life in countless ways. I was taught a tremendous amount of very conservative political ideologies. There was a lot of fearmongering that the “world” was a place of moral corruption out to attack Christians and destroy our values. Purity was a very heavy theme for myself and other girls. I was not given much (if any) space to formulate my own beliefs.

large dogs pulling wagon of children
My dad taking my brother Ben and I for a ride in a parade being pulled by our Newfoundland’s Dutchess and Cinder

Since my teens I have been trying to sift through all of this and figure out what I really believe. What I want to keep and what I don’t. What resonates with my true self regardless of all of the things placed on me. There are many things I am still unlearning, disassembling and trying to make sense of. There are many things I still have to learn.

four children ice skating in Maine
My siblings and I ice skating on the neighbors pond

Travel will always be a huge important part of my life-it’s impacted who I am in innumerable ways. I will continue to share my travels, photography and encourage people to get out of their comfort zones! I deeply appreciate all of you who have followed my journey over the past almost 10 years. I’m sure many of you have noticed that I have begun to write about social issues and mental health. I have felt inspired and learned a lot from the many activists already doing this work. I really love people and I feel so passionate about issues like gender equality, racism, wellness, consumerism, LGTBQ+ , police brutality, prison reformation, immigration, body positivity and many more!

3 children on swingset
My siblings and I enjoying a swing set in Etna, Maine

I do feel like a lot of people these days act like they were always “woke”, like they always “got it”, never having had any backwards beliefs and having always been progressive. It’s hard to admit you didn’t support gay marriage at some point, that you slut shamed or held racist beliefs. Everyone wants to seem like a “good” person. I get that. However it doesn’t leave a lot of room for growth and it can make the chasm for someone who is just learning about these things seem impossibly wide. Holding racist, sexist or generally problematic beliefs is not a permanent part of who you are. Beliefs can be changed and I don’t think they necessarily make you a “bad” person. No one is immune to the influence of society and everyone has held and still holds some problematic beliefs. Speaking for myself, reading about issues that are so far from what I was taught growing up is sometimes confusing. Much of my life I didn’t see my privilege or understand many social issues. I still feel afraid of asking the wrong questions. Many social issues are incredibly complicated, it takes time and work to get them on a deeper level. I greatly appreciate all of the friends throughout my life were patient and kind in discussing these topics with me.

girl knits in dress
Little House on the Prairie Vibes (The book series we loved and my mom read to us)

As a former conservative myself, I am hoping to help bridge the gap with openness and kindness. I am, however, afraid to talk about more controversial things. Sometimes the messages and comments I receive now can be intense-creepy, threatening and mean spirited. I’m sure the more I speak about these issues, the more challenging messages I’ll receive. It can be overwhelming. I hope when people don’t agree, it will be respectfully. I’m afraid people will judge me for my past beliefs. I’m afraid of what my parents who I love very much will think when they read this. I’m afraid when I talk about something that isn’t my space, such as racial issues, that I’ll get it wrong. I’m sure I will mess it up sometimes. I am always listening. My fears will not hold me back from tackling difficult subjects. If just one person feels less alone from what I share, than it’s all worth it to me.

family on Maine coast
Exploring the rocky Maine coastline with my family.

I think it is important to note that kindness and respect does not mean there will not be anger or that this will be easy. I love and care for people so much that their inequality and suffering makes me angry. There are many instances in life to which anger is a logical and reasonable response. The opposite of that is indifference-passivity. I think it is loving to use our voices to lessen each other’s struggles. Anger can be empowering. Love and anger can coexist.

4 sibling in front of cabin in rural maine
My mom’s home in the forest where we grew up, my siblings and I now

I plan to read more books and articles, watch documentaries and have more conversations about social issues. I want to understand people who are different than me’s experiences moving through the world. I want to spread empathy and help people feel more connected. I don’t expect anyone to agree with everything I say, I welcome different viewpoints. I want to create a safe space for people to grow and uplift each other. I believe there is a massive positive cultural shift happening. Now is the time to speak out. I will share what I am learning, ask questions, make the connections to my Christian roots and share things I’ve had to unlearn from my conservative upbringing. I am unbelievably excited for all of the possibilities! I hope that you will learn and unlearn with me!

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2 Comments

  1. Dylan B. Raines says:

    I think one of the biggest issues we have in humanity today is that so many us feel encased by our social surroundings, limiting our freedom to be who we are; to be curious; to be unafraid of social consequences of asking questions, learning, and playing with different perspectives.

    For me, I wanted to learn by eliminating as many biases as I possibly could. I wanted to do my best to start from a blank slate, so that I wouldn’t bring my own biases into my learning experience. There is so much we have to learn in this life, and being of this world, that we need a foundation of freedom in order to explore to the furthest realms of possibilities. Keep exploring, Anna, as will I 🙂

  2. Ash says:

    Also from rural Maine, from a conservative family, and I identify greatly with much of what you’ve said here. Thanks for sharing. It’s tough to reconcile your personal growth with your upbringing. I feel that I have changed, moved on, and become a much better and brighter person over the years. However, I know those same changes would be seen as a negative to many family members, and family friends. It’s a strange place to be. Brutal honesty about what I believe would push them away and also cause damage. If I’m completely honest that actually makes me selfish, because I know how much hurt that will bring. Yet, withholding information feels wrong too. If they were going to just be angry.. it would almost be a relief. If I knew that my family and friends would just get frustrated/angry, and then agree to disagree it would free up so much of my considerations for them. Instead, I know that the truth will be met with ultimate sadness.

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